From Shamu to Sashimi

By Tony Mangia

The tragic death of a whale trainer in Florida last week has brought out animal activists in droves and --in this case--I have to agree with these paint-throwing fanatics. Tillikum, an orca, drowned experienced Sea World employee, Dawn Brancheau, by dragging her down by her hair, according to experts. Why is this so hard to comprehend? This whale had a rap sheet. He apparently killed two others since 1991. He was the Plaxico/Vick of water worlds. A six ton creature who lives in pods and dines on people shaped seals shouldn't be put in solitary confinement and expected to co-habitat with food-sized humans or perform like a friendly dolphin. These trainers are entertainers, as well as athletes, but the whales are natural hunters, migratory mammals with wild feral tendencies in their spouted heads. They're called killer whales for a reason! I don't know if you can free 'Tilly' without complications but he and the other orcas belong in the wild. He shouldn't end up as a special on the local sushi bar either.

Down on the Farm

Know how I know Spring is around the corner? Lupica has pulled out his Red Sox pom-poms and is getting ready to skewer the Yankees for another season. Every time he writes about human growth hormones and steroids, Lupica is fast to mention Mark McGwire and A-Rod. He never mentions his boy, Big Papi! Isn't Ortiz the guy who two seasons ago said anyone caught using performance enhancing drugs should be 'banned for life!' Ortiz made his tear-filled admission last year and he's still in uniform. McGwire and A-Rod lied and didn't initially admit using but, at least, they aren't hypocrites. Speaking of McGwire, how about his brother Jay ratting him out in a new book. He's Fredo to Mark's Michael in The Godfather. Who said blood is thicker than the juice?
Notice how A-Rod is slowly morphing into Jeter. Loss of weight, same haircut and more likable personality...oh yeah, clutch hitting in the playoffs too. Think Damon will grow back his "idiot' hair and beard in secession from the Yankees?

E-Sex-PN

Tony Kornheiser's remark about Hannah Storm's outfit should not start the fire storm (no pun intended) it has. I find his off-color remarks captured 'off-guard' during PTI's commercial breaks more offensive. Storm is a looker but the outfit was just a few notches down from some Lady GaGa design. Kornheiser is spit-flying annoying even for ESPN network's 'in your face' boy's club edict. Many women in broadcasting, i.e. The View, seem to get away with reverse sexism and innuendo while some probably get their jobs because of their attractiveness (NOT The View) and nothing more. One of Tiger Woods mistresses, Rachel Uchitel, booked a correspondent position on a national entertainment show while hooker Ashley Dupre has parlayed a romp with Eliot Spitzer into a relationship advice column in the New York Post. Think ESPN's'sex-addict' Steve Phillips will ever get a Dear Abby forum for himself? He shouldn't either. Storm and ESPN should have played it like they do Barry Melrose's mullet or Mike Golic's girth--just breaking chops-- and if they are really serious about sexism they would get rid of the Victoria's Secret models at the Espys.

SNOW DAZE

CURLING, YOU HAD ME AT HARDER!
By Tony Mangia

Have to admit the 2010 Winter Games ended with a bang. The men's hockey final lived up to all the hype and women's hockey became more popular due to the cigars and Molson's episode on Saturday. Is there a 'contributing to the delinquency of a minor' law in British Columbia? Who knew the Finnish men's goalie would yank himself out of the game faster than Governor Paterson would pull himself out of his reelection bid. I think the Gov got the hint when more media showed up for his quitting press conference than his running for office speech. Canada won the big one--the hockey gold. I'm sure America will recover. I had self-denying friends in Quebec who didn't answer their phones for two days after last week's preliminary round loss to the U.S.. Think Sidney Crosby will ever have to pay for a Canadian beer ever again. The United States padded it's medal totals with meaningless bronze and silvers. The Canucks total of 14 gold means they have 14 winter game champions while America has a paltry 9--even with 270 million more people. Heck, Germany had 10 golds.
Don't know who was more dejected this weekend, the cable news networks for wasting three hours of air time waiting for the tsunami to hit the coast of Hawaii or the brass at NBC for over-hyping Lindsey Vonn for the past three months. Does one gold and a bronze with 3 DNF's merit a Wheatie's box or a cover of Maxim.
A couple of suggestions to spice up the games next time--one, get rid of all the DQ's in short track skating. Put the competitors in body armor and turn it into human demolition derby--like Rollerball on ice. Second, combine luge with curling. Call it 'lurling' or 'cuge'. Human rocks slide off a track into the oval. Sweepers would have to move fast. Think of it-- the danger of luge combined with the strategy of curling--X-sports at its best.
Finally, the closing ceremonies didn't disappoint. They eventually brought out the big guns Canada is known for--comedians. I am still waiting for the McKenzie Brothers though, eh? The festivities included all our northern brothers are sadly known for--Mounties, moose and maple leaves. What, they forgot the all-nude bars in Toronto? Oh wait, they also brought out some giant beaver balloons.

Curls, Lutzes and Sweethearts

The 2010 Winter Olympics began with the tragic death of a Georgian luger and continued with a stone faced Wayne Gretzky, torch in hand, waiting for the centerpiece symbol of the Olympics to lift it's malfunctioning fourth leg. They were lucky The Great One's teeth weren't chattering as well since this is the first winter ceremony to be held indoors. Good thing too, since there was more snow in Hoboken. The follies continued with host country Canada trying to upstage the magnificent ceremonies of the 2008 Summer Games in China. It is mind-boggling that the country that has turned Cirque De Soleil into franchise-style entertainment couldn't muster the theatrics to make this occasion memorable. A few skiers hanging from wires and a skateboarder sailing through giant Olympic rings followed the predictable entertainment. Who knew there were that many fiddlers and tap dancers in the Great White North. I would have gone with comedy--Canada's greatest contribution to the world. Bring out comedian Dan Ackroyd and character Ed Grimley, show reruns of SCTV's MacKenzie Brothers or even an Ace Ventura movie clip. Okay, maybe not Jim Carrey. They had to truck out K.D. Lang (remember her?) for the big show. Wow!
Who knew Curling would become one of the most watched televised sports of the first week. Granted, they were broadcast every day before Oprah and the only other thing to watch are reruns of Law & Order this and thats. Whiling away February afternoons with the gentle sport of giant rocks sliding on ice is both soothing and addicting to most stay at homes. If you watched, you are either unemployed or lazy so the idea of playing a giant shuffle board game is not a challenge. Think of playing it at your local tavern while chilling your mug of beer on the ice. How difficult is it to sweep a broom. Women who play it look like you average soccer mom or bar girl. Some one you could actually talk to and maybe get a date. Try that with any of the figure skating divas. The Japanese team and a few of the Brits were actually hot. Especially when they a screaming 'hard!' and 'harder!,harder!' One problem I had was the announcer's use of the telestrater. If any sport could use it and has the time during play, curling is it. It was barely used. How difficult would it to explain and show newbies the strategies of the game by drawing lines. Everyone stands around for five minutes so do a John Madden. Exploit it!
The best sports are the Ski Cross and the Short Track Skating. Ohno rules--except for the Koreans. Gotta love the rough and tumble aspects of those events but I never knew that Olympic hockey could be so good. I never watch NHL games but I think the players have the best names in sports--Gump, Satan, LeFluer--except when Canadian players give cute nicknames to each other. Shawn becomes Shawnsie and Burns becomes Burnsie. Take off the sequin outfits, quit the triple lutzes and talk like grown ups. Speaking of lutzes, who would have thought a quadruple jump controversy in men's figure skating would lead Russia's President Putin to almost start World War III. Olympic hockey action seems faster than the NHL and, just short of fistfights (not allowed), the hits are brutal. You think when a Czech Republic player slams a Russian into the boards he not thinking "that one's for my grandpa".
All and all I'm glad the United States isn't dominating everything. The 'USA! USA!' chant is tired. We're winning and NBC's biased and smug--lose the comfy turtlenecks and cozy fireplace already-- announcers never let us forget it. The downhill skiing is great but I don't want the next 'America's Sweetheart" shoved down my throat. Lindsey Vonn is great and seeing her bikini magazine spread is cool but any sweetheart of mine is not on a Wheaties box, she's lying in bed next to me.

Tiger Bogeys

Manhattan streets got eerily quiet. The Price is Right was preempted. Katie Couric and the other network anchors appeared on morning television screens. Tiger Woods spoke and the Earth shifted. Thirteen minutes later that same world would right itself as even the casual Woods fan watched. He looked older, puffier and red-eyed. He stared awkwardly hard into the camera and asked the world forgive his "mistake", which probably included the 20 "mistakes" he allegedly made with just one of his harem bimbos. If you remember his hormone-driven texts to his mistresses, you know Woods didn't write the scripted apology. Not once did I hear the words 'you're hot' or 'I'm in the hotel room next door' spoken. It was all a front. The only time you saw him speak from his heart was when he accused the media--except the handpicked few who curled at his feet like Sadie, the Westminster Terrier--of terrorizing his family and blaming Elin. I never once recall the press blaming Elin for his problems--except maybe criticizing her for not using a heavier iron on his receding hairline. Tiger thrives on the media. He brought it onto his wife and children himself. This press 'event' was orchestrated by his public relations machine to help Woods make amends with his family, sponsors, and fans. Don't club the messenger Tiger. Woods represents much of what's wrong in this world. We respect the brand and not the man--winning equals character. Woods' verbal press release was at times moving and contrite but his arrogance still cut through the choked up appeals . His atonement was no different from a criminal who finds God (in this case Buddha) from behind bars. He got caught. I don't know how Elin feels but I'm sure the companies who booked network advertising space at 10:59 a.m. were happy they got their money's worth of air time and amazingly... it wasn't Nike.

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We Are The World 25 For Haiti - Official Video

Recorded on February 1st, 2010, in the same studio as the original 25 years earlier (Henson Recording Studios, formerly A&M Recording Studios) "We Are The World 25 For Haiti", in which Jones and Richie serve as executive producers and producers, was created in collaboration with executive producers Wyclef Jean, Randy Phillips and Peter Tortorici; producers Humberto Gattica and RedOne; and co-producers Rickey Minor, Mervyn Warren and Patti Austin to benefit the Haitian earthquake relief efforts and the rebuilding of Haiti.