Twilight Twaddle - save me!

So D-day is almost here for the Twi-hards, though, I’m not feeling the love. I’m probably the only person walking this earth right now who isn’t hooked on Twilight. I must admit, I haven’t even watched it (apart from the trailers and interviews being shoved in my face), but I somehow feel that it’s not going to make a difference. This is my opinion (followed by your repugnance, I’m sure): it’s a vampire movie minus the blood, the horror that cultivates when the sun sets, hearts being ripped from chests, brutal devours, underground night clubs or crazy sex. In other words, nothing like From Dust till Dawn, I am Legend or True Blood, which is a total shame, because that’s the shit vampire movies are made of. Then I’ve also heard it’s a ‘romantic movie’ to which I will be ‘crying my eyes out’. Excuse me! I don’t want to be crying when I watch teenagers’ love-triangle unfold, because if I did, I would just watch 10 Things I hate about you for the 16th time. Twilight is a vampire movie, so I want to see the old-fashioned vampire stuff that haunts me in my dreams for weeks thereafter. How can pretty vamps possibly haunt me? I want to watch a real vampire movie that will have me convinced they exist. And I want to be scared of getting a papercut!

Then, I’m not really a fan of the tan-less Robert Pattinson, Kirsten Steward or Taylor Lautner, because they fall in the same league as Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez and High School Musical, which would’ve been appropriate if I was 16 years old. Besides, who are these actors anyway? Who were they before Twilight? No one. I believe an overnight success will go as quickly as it came. Remember how in love you were with Harry Potter? I rest my case.

To me, Twilight is a tween phenomenon that doesn’t really have me convinced it's worth watching. Usually I’d give any new craze a chance and see what the fuss is about, then move on. But in this case, there's no ‘moving on’, because there’s Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse. Where will the madness end?

I’m not against ‘team Edward’ or ‘team Jacob’; I’m just pro-proper-vampire-movies! I guess it sounds too much like a chick-flick for me to care. And there's nothing like a chick-flick to insult my intelligence.

J
(Image found here)